A Week of Guilt, Drama, and a Little Studying

Interesting title, huh? A ton of things happened to me during this school week (mostly bad things, actually), and I think that typing them all out may help me to calm down. Or it'll just make my hands cramp *shrug* who knows. Just as a head's up- this post is only going to be about my own personal problems. I won't be giving my opinions about any movies, books, music, actors, television shows, etc. I plan to do that kind of stuff in my next post, which I think I can get in at some point this weekend. But this one is just a journal post, so you can pass over it if you get bored with reading about my life : P

From the moment this week started (school week, I mean) it was full of stress. Final exams are coming up, so my teachers have all been going nuts with tests and quizzes. I haven't gotten the mountains of homework yet, but I'm sure that'll come too.

Then (first order of drama) I heard a rumor about the boy that good friend of mine (who will be refered to by her nickname of GOS which stands for Grip of Steel) is "going out" with. I put that in quotations, because they haven't actually gone anywhere. They just talk and do stuff in school, 'cause her parents would probably object to him. But more on that later, the rumor that I heard was that he sent pictures of himself nude to this slutty girl at my school. Normally, I would NEVER believe a rumor as ludicrous as this, but judging from some of the stuff that her boyfriend has done, I could believe it. I also heard it from a guy that sees him in classes and is kind of friends with the girl.

Obviously, I had to tell GOS. I wasn't sure what her reaction would be, 'cause she's okay with her boyfriend taking a different girl to the prom. She, of course, didn't believe the rumor. She deserves someone better than this kid, but I've told her that a thousand times. *Sigh* She's happy with him, though (which I don't understand) so it's a bit conflicting. I'm glad to see GOS so happy (she was really down awhile ago because of something else, but that's a whole other story) but I hate to see her happy with this particular guy. I keep trying to tell her that she deserves someone better than him, but I think she already knows that. I guess she honestly likes the guy, so maybe I should just butt out.

Let's get some background information on this guy, shall we? He is three years older than GOS (who's about half a year younger than me), he's emo (not just poser-emo, either. He really cuts himself, it's scary), and he's already been out with two of our other friends. He wound up telling those two that he loved them, and then he would dump them. Clearly, he's not a very faithful dude. Also, he's dumb. Intelluctually, I mean. Fails classes and stuff.

Well, that's enough about GOS and her boyfriend. Time to rant about me and my own boyfriend, NHC.

I'll skip some of the details on this (kind of personal, not the kind of stuff you put on the web) but the short story is that I got him sick. I feel really terrible about this, which is why one of the titles of this post is "Guilt". I let him know that I thought I might possibly be coming down with a cold, but it was hard to tell. I had almost no symptoms, just a runny nose. I chalked that up to allergies or something, 'cause I felt perfectly fine. You know how with colds, you feel all tired and junk? Well I didn't feel any of that. Not even a sore throat.

It turns out that I was sick. We had underestimated my runny nose, apparently. I wound up giving him my cold, and it hit him much harder than it hit me. When he called me, I could hear his scratchy voice, and he was coughing. He admitted, after I asked, that it was most likely that I was the one he caught it from. I apologized to him fervently, and luckily he's not mad or anything.

But I'M mad at me, I feel like a horrible person. He's coughing and his throat hurts, and it's all MY FAULT! I've made a promise to myself and NHC to never get him sick again, but that didn't ease my guilt at all.

My remorse from getting NHC sick didn't go away. It feels like a physical weight on my shoulders, and I have to really work to move under it. My every step feels weighted by my guilt. I know that sounds very dramatic, but I'm just writing what I feel. I don't think my guilt will really go away until he's better. I'll be very careful from now on, I will not get him sick again.

My last topic is that I am angry at another friend of mine. For the purposes of this blog, he'll be refered to as Mezzic. I was talking to him on the phone about some math we had to do, and I told him that I wanted to hang up and call NHC. Mezzic objected to this, and insisted that I should use three way calling so that we could both talk to NHC. This might seem strange, but it actually was logical. We both needed to ask him the same question about what time a tournament of theirs (robotics tournament) started. So, I called NHC and used three way calling so that Mezzic could talk to him too.

After NHC answered our question, Mezzic pretended to hang up. But he lied about hanging up, he actually stayed on the phone being quiet and listening to NHC and I talking until we hung up. Talk about invasion of privacy, right?? Well I am extremely ticked at Mezzic, and I'm currently giving him the silent treatment. I haven't told NHC yet, though. I hope he punches Mezzic in the face when he finds out (okay, not really, but my more evil side does sorta want revenge). I almost considered asking GOS to slap Mezzic for me (her slaps really hurt), but I reminded myself that violence wouldn't make things better, just worse.

So, that's what happened this week. The only thing keeping me going is NHC's robotics tournament tomorrow : ) I'll have to wake up really early (4:30 AM) and I'll get home really late (about 9:00 PM) but I can't wait to see NHC!! : D

So I'll probably have to post on Sunday, considering my busy Saturday coming up.

~Have a great weekend!