Evolution of Dance, An Answer, and Loneliness

I thought I'd start my incredibly long posts (or so Alanna tells me) with something funny for a change! My brother and I watch this video together sometimes for a good laugh, but maybe we're both just crazy : ) If you watch the video, please comment and tell me if you find it hilarious or stupid. It's just an entertaining video of how popular dances have changed over time, and the dude who does it is hysterical (or so my brother and I think). Also, I believe (correct me if I'm wrong) that this is the most popular video on youtube. Isn't that weird? It's gotten 112,438,476 views at the moment. Crazy, huh? Anyways, watch this is you're bored!



My answer that I mentioned at the top is about the dreams that I was having. I haven't had the dream about the bridge for several nights now, and only one thing changed in them that seemed significant before they stopped. I saw my friend Maddie on the other side of the bridge. She didn't walk by it like all of the other people in my bridge dreams did, she stopped and looked at me from the other side.

When this happened, I was confused. I still couldn't move at all, and Maddie didn't come to the other side to me, she just looked at me from across the bridge. My dream continued like that until I woke up, and I wondered if the same thing would happen the next night. Oddly it didn't, I couldn't recall my dream at all the next night. Since then I've had my usual strange dreams, but no more bridge dreams. Apparently Maddie was the key element, and I think I might finally know the reason behind my bridge dream.

Maddie has lived next to me for as long as I can remember. We've been friends since the age of three, according to our moms. You'd think that because I've known her for so long that we'd be inseperable friends. We're not. We were closer when we were younger, but as we grew older we fought more. There were often periods of time that we wouldn't speak to each other at all. I'd see her often, but I didn't miss her when I didn't see her for a long time.

I guess you could say that our personalities were never very compatible. You could also say that we just never clicked. I know this sounds very harsh, but I'd always wondered whether I would like Maddie or not if I hadn't grown up next door to her. A small part of me wonders if she would be the kind of girl that I'd dislike if I hadn't grown up next door to her.

Maddie's family is moving at the end of February. It's official, they've sold their house and have found a new place to live. They recently had a garage sale to sell some things that they won't be taking with them. They're not moving out of the town, but they won't be within easy walking distance anymore. I think that my subconscious mind was bringing up a hard question that I'd rather not ask myself through my dreams.

Will I try to make the effort to remain friends with Maddie? I think deep down I know the answer, even if I don't want to admit it. If I barely make an effort to see her now, when it's so convient, will I even bother when it's not convient? However, maybe her moving away will make our friendship stronger, because who knows? Perhaps we will try to see each other. I doubt it, though, and I feel heartless for having so few feelings for someone that I've known for such a long time. Does that make me a horrible person? In a way, I think it does. I really wish that they wouldn't move, but that's life. Things change.

My topic of loneliness is very pathetic, and I probably shouldn't bore you readers with it, but this is my blog so I'll just write how I feel regardless.

Alanna and Nikki both go to a different high school than me, and I knew that would be hard. It used to be easier when Synfan went to my school, but she switched schools halfway through the year. At least back then Alanna and Nikki had each other, and Synfan and I had each other. It was an even split. Without Synfan, I miss Alanna and Nikki more than ever. Even though I've made new friends, I feel lonely. I feel pathetic for admitting it, but without those three I feel almost like part of me is missing. Does that sound sad or what?

I hate feeling lonely, I really do. I can feel it changing me slowly, and I don't like it. I've been more prone to stupid insecurities lately, which sucks. I've also had more bad moods than I care to mention, and I wish that I could just suck it up. It's hard, though, and I think the only way that it could get easier is if I distance myself from Alanna, Nikki, and Synfan. There is no way that I'm willing to do that, though, so I'll just have to continue to feel lonely. I don't know what I'd do if GOS or Bubbles left my school, they're the closest friends there that I have left. My new friends are great too, but no one can ever replace Alanna, Nikki, or Synfan.

There's also this thing with NHC, but it's only temporary (I think). I saw him last weekend, which was kind of bittersweet, 'cause I won't get to see him at all until the middle of February. It'll be a lonely Valentine's Day : (

He's been ultra busy for FRC (another robotics thing) and his only free days are Mondays and Thursdays. Obviously I can't see him on school nights, so I'll just have to be patient. *Sigh* I don't think I should go on about how badly I wish that I could see him, 'cause that might get mushy. . . at least he calls me, so I'm not deprived of certain things like the sound of his laugh. . . but that still doesn't compare to actually being with him in person.

I guess I'll just have to suck it up and try to be less pathetic.

~Comment on video opinions!

The Hobbit, Angry Chocoholism, and Strange Dreams

Hmm, it's hard to know where to start with this post. . . . it's been a strange week. I guess I'll start with my review of J.R.R. Tolkien's book, The Hobbit.

It took me a while to get through this one due to a combination of reasons that I won't bore you with. This book was tough for me to get into, and I'm not really sure why. I guess I'll just be vague and say that different books grab the attention of different readers for different reasons. The Hobbit never really captured my interest the way other books have, but that's perfectly okay. I'm very glad that I read it; I hate how some people never venture outside of their comfort zone, and I was long overdue for trying something new.

The story itself was actually interesting to me, but I didn't like the author's style of writing. Again, maybe it fascinates certain people, but it didn't do much for me. One of my biggest complaints about this story is the lack of female characters. To me, there wasn't much definition between characters either, but between the types of people. Like, "all Goblins are cruel" and general stuff like that. Maybe I'm just complaining about small details, but that's just my opinion. However, now that I've gotten into the story, I'll probably have to read The Lord of the Rings eventually. When that time comes, I'll compare my opinions of those books to The Hobbit, because I've heard several people argue that they liked the others better than The Hobbit and vice versa. *Shrug* I'll just have to see for myself I suppose.

Now, I'll explain my "angry chocoholism" topic. This goes back to the personal issues (and believe me, there are many) of my friend GOS. As I've discussed, my poor friend has been having some boy troubles. I must say, I've underestimated what a jerk loser-boy is. Days after he broke up with GOS, he called her (quite a few times as a matter of fact) and lied to her about going out with two other girls immediately after breaking up with her. He told her that he hadn't asked anyone else out since they broke up, but he'd already gone out with at least one, maybe two other girls!! Then, once she discovered the truth, he told her that breaking up with her was the "biggest mistake he's ever made in his life." Uh huh. Anyone else sensing a lie here?

When GOS told me of all this, I'll admit it, I exploded at her. I yelled for a good ten minutes about all of the reasons that she shouldn't care about loser-boy anymore, and she argued back that he needs her (apparently he's cutting himself again) so between the two of us, we didn't make much progress. I think I made my point, though, that she deserves far better than a lying, emo, and possibly cheating jerk (I can't prove that he ever cheated on her while they went out, but I have strong suspicions).

Now, what does all of this have to do with chocolate? Well, after my loud and angy discussion with GOS, I stamped downstairs and downed three mini reese's cups. I know that's not a lot, but that's not what scares me. I didn't even notice that I was eating something until I threw away the three wrappers. I was so caught up with my anger about GOS's lame ex boyfriend that I didn't even realize that I was eating chocolate. Is that weird or what? I've heard of girls eating and not noticing it when they're really sad, but when they're angry?? It's definitely new to me. I'm going to have to be more careful from now on about being around food when I'm ticked off. . . . . .

Okay, I'm down to my last topic! I've tried talking to Alanna, Nikki, and NHC about the strange dreams that I've been having lately, but so far I'm still coming up blank. Well, first of all, I should explain that strange dreams are normal for me. Ever since almost as long as I can remember, I've always been able to recall most of my dreams without any trouble. It's pretty rare that I wake up and can't remember what I'd been dreaming of. In fact, when I go downstairs to eat breakfast, my mom sometimes asks me what I dreamed of the night before because I've got a funny look on my face as I think of it. My dreams aren't scary for the most part, just weird. I'm also one of those people who can sometimes be aware that I'm dreaming during a dream, and on those rare occasions (this is a theory that Alanna and I read about, it's called lucid dreaming if you're interested) you're supposed to be able to alter your dream to your liking. It's incredibly hard, though, and I can only think of two possible instances when I might have had some influence on my dream during the dream.

Okay, I'll stop ranting about dreams (which have always intrigued me) and get on to my point. I've had a reoccuring element in my dreams lately, and it's really bugging me. Until I can figure out what this means, I'll probably keep having this dream night after night, which gets extremely boring. I'm literally desperate here, I've even resorted to looking it up in a dream dictionary (which was absolutely no help at all).

Here's my reoccuring dream: I'm facing a bridge, and I absolutely can't cross it. I want to, but my feet just won't move. The dream varies sometimes, but the bridge seems to be the key element. Sometimes there are people on the other side (my friends, actually) but the people never notice me. Sometimes the bridge is over water and other things like steep ledges, but mostly there's just a bridge, surrounded by nothing at all. In my dream I'm not afraid of crossing the bridge, but I still don't want to. I'm not sure why I don't want to, but it's not really fear. I get the sense that there's something that'll have to happen if I cross it that I'm not willing to do. I'm not really sure. . . . .

One thing that's always the same is that the bridge is old. If it's metal, it's rusted. If it's wooden, it's half rotted. Maybe that means something, I don't know. At this point, I'm open to any suggestions.

Alanna and Nikki both agree that the bridge must be a symbol for a decision that I'm subconsciously trying to make, which makes sense. The thing is, I can't think of any big decision that I'm avoiding, or any "big steps" that I'm afraid of taking. That's another reason that I'm so obsessed with these dreams. They don't make sense, and I really want to know why I'm having them. Maybe it's just random, but I don't really think so. *Shrug* Maybe I'll have better luck tonight. All I really know is that the dream probably won't end until I either A) Cross my dream bridge or B) Figure out what it symbolizes. I know that you readers can't help me cross the dream bridge (which I've tried to do, but it's almost like I physically can't make my dream feet move) but maybe you could give me some new ideas about what it's supposed to mean? I'd appreciate that. . . . .

~Thanks for reading, and please comment with ideas!

Moonlight Mile and Snow Days

Wow, it's been an interesting couple of days (to say the least). We got about four inches of snow, and it only snows about once every few years where I live. Even then, we hardly ever get a lot of snow, so four inches is amazing to us. Everyone takes advantage of it when there's enough to play in, which is exactly what I've been doing for the past few days : )

But first, I'd like to talk about Moonlight Mile. I've discussed in previous posts about my love for Jake Gyllenhaal, how I pull out random movies simply because he's in them. This was the case for Moonlight Mile, if Jake Gyllenhaal weren't in it there's no way that I'd have picked it up.

Actually, there were many famous actors in this film. Dustin Hoffman, Holly Hunter, Susan Sarandon, and Ellen Pompeo also starred in Moonlight Mile. Needless to say, the acting was phenomenal. The characters really came alive, thanks to the wonderful acting.

However, the acting was the ONLY redeeming quality in this film. The story didn't capture my interest at all, and the plot went absolutely nowhere for the longest time. It was slightly better towards the end, but for the most part there was a giant question mark present in my thoughts while I watched this one. I don't recommend Moonlight Mile to anyone who wants to be entertained. This movie was a joke next to other movies that members of that cast have been in. All in all, don't watch Moonlight Mile. Ever. End of story.

Now, I'll do a journal dicussion of my treasured snow days ^_^

I was woken at about 9:00 by the kids in my neighborhood knocking on our front door. I wasn't ready to come out, of course, so I told them (in my pajamas, which was slightly embarrassing) that I'd eat breakfast and catch up with them later. While I ate, GOS and NHC both called me to talk for a bit, which was nice of them. I'm a pretty slow eater, though, so it was about 11:00 before I finally walked out the door. My first order of snow business was to play with my dog, Hershey. She LOVES the snow, she frolicks through it like a puppy : )

Eventually, three of my neighbors came by and brought their dog, Sandi. We all ran around in my backyard (which is pretty large, and fenced in. Perfect for doggies) throwing snow at each other and our insanely happy dogs. We soon left, though, eager to do some sledding before we made the walk to Bubbles's house.

There is a small-ish hill by the creek down our hill which is good for sledding. . . . . as long as you don't run into trees. Haha, that sounds funny but it really is a pain dodging trees all the time. I live in a very foresty neighborhood, some of my friends joke that I live in the middle of the woods : P

We were met up at the creek by Will, (finally, I use an actual name!) another neighbor of mine. Together, the five of us walked to Bubbles's house towing two plastic sleds.

When we got there, they were of course playing my most hated game. Football. It was Bubbles, Joey, Door (THAT'S a nickname), Jake, Walter, me, Will, Maddie, Jesse, and Lily (who are Maddie's little identical twin sisters). Just my luck, some idiot decided that we should play guys against girls. Maddie, Jesse, and Lily can't play football to save their lives. So basically it was Bubbles and I against five to six (Hunter joined us a little) guys. I got tackled a lot. Mostly by Will, who was covering me the whole time. We held our own, 'cause Bubbles is good and I can catch pretty well (I fell down a lot, though. . . . .). It quickly turned into a snowball fight before we could finish, which was WAY more fun!

However, the snowball fight was also guys versus girls. We were more evenly matched for that one, though, 'cause Maddie and her sisters (Jesse and Lily) didn't have any trouble with THAT game! Muahhahahahahahaaaa, it was revenge time.

Both teams got each other pretty well, but the guys ultimately won. Even though we lost, it was a great fight, we went at it for quite a while before we were called in to watch Obama's inauguration. We all clumped into Bubbles's house and took off our outer layers of clothing. We tossed these by the fireplace, and made TONS of hot chocolate for everyone. We all gathered in the living room to watch Obama be sworn in, sipping our cocoa as he gave his acceptance speech. It was a great moment, though I had to shush Maddie's little sisters often for their impatient whispering. We didn't stay in for long after his speech, just long enough to warm up a little more and throw on our outer layers and boots.

Next on the agenda was more sledding. Not just any sledding, however, this is what we'd all been waiting for. This was what the twins (Jesse and Lily) had been bugging me about since the start of autumn. Dare Devil Drop.

There are some advantages to living in the woods, and I consider Dare Devil Drop to be a HUGE asset of my neighborhood. If you hike a bit into Bubbles's backyard, you come to a steep (almost a 90 degree angle- no joke) hill which we call Dare Devil Drop. From the top of this GIGANTIC hill, you can see much of the snowy forest. I wish that I'd taken pictures of that view, it was breathtaking.

Now sledding down this hill takes some major guts. Not only is it incredibly steep, but the creek is VERY close to the bottom. If you're not careful, you might just slide right into the creek, which is not only freezing in this weather but we've also seen many snakes in the creek before. Even in the winter, we've seen the occasional snake slithering by.

Walter is the greatest daredevil, he's always the first to try everything. He bounded forward, slammed his sled down and we all watched him fly down Dare Devil Drop at an alarming speed. It truly is frightening when you try it for the first time, but we've all done it before so it wasn't as intimidating as it used to be. The biggest pain is climbing back up the stupid hill. It takes tons of leg strength, and even with incredible power it's easy to slip and fall all the way back down. It's very tiring, and Joey had the worst time getting back up. He was stuck at the bottom for quite some time, so the other guys all laughed and threw snowballs at him from the top of the hill.

I went down mostly on my butt, I'll admit it. There's less dignity in it, but it's a little slower, which makes it easier for those of us who are terrified by heights. I don't have much trouble getting back up, but it didn't take before we all sat at the top panting, just enjoying the view.

The hike back was fairly uneventful, but it seemed much longer than the journey there. It probably just seemed that way because we were all muddy and sore. Even though Dare Devil Drop is frightening and messy, it's by far our most anticipated snow activity. Words can't describe how exhilarating it is to sled down that hill, it's one of my most cherished memories.

That was pretty much the end of day one, 'cause after that we just huddled inside Bubbles's house playing poker and other card games. There were only a couple of casualties that day, one fist fight between Door and Joey was the worst of it. Oh, and we played basketball in Jake and Hunter's snowy driveway, which Bubbles and I killed at. Whenever she didn't win, I won >: )

Day two of my snowy days was far less eventful, the snow was all melted for the most part of it. I did a little more sledding on the smaller hill by the creek with Maddie and her sisters, and I had a couple more snowball fights. It was still fun, though, and I'm glad that we finally got some snow. It's been long overdue, even if it is at the most inconvient time for me.

The snow just HAD to come during exam week *Sigh* Oh well. It's pushed everything back, but I'm not really complaining. I'm just glad that we got the snow. I'll maybe post a few pictures later, but no guarantees.

~Enjoy our new president, everybody!

Another Breakup

This is a journal post, just warning you guys. *Sigh* Poor GOS. Well, it's not like we didn't see this coming. She and loser-boy are over, he broke up with her this morning. He told her that he thought he was falling for another girl. Can you imagine how painful that must be? Why would he feel the need to destroy what little of her heart that he's leaving by telling her that? She also happens to be friends with the girl that he now likes. Gr. Anyone want to help me egg loser-boy's house?

I'm not sure if I had some random precognition of this happening, but I had been out getting my hair cut today, and I decided to stop by Blockbuster on the way home. Lol, I got two chick flics and a random movie that I just picked up because Jake Gyllenhaal stars in it. When I got home there was a message for me from GOS. She was crying, and told me that I needed to call her back as soon as I could. I could guess at what had happened, so I immediately walked my dog, finished up a few other little chores, and left for her house half an hour later armed with the chic flics that I had picked up on a whim.

I spent most of the day at GOS's house, attempting to console her. She's doing pretty well, considering the circumstances. Her self esteem has taken a major blow, but it could be worse. It really ticks me off that loser-boy is doing the exact same thing to GOS that Bubbles did to TQ, just leaving her like she's some sort of broken toy. Even if they don't necessarily like their ex's anymore, can't they muster up a little sympathy for their feelings? Ugh, sometimes people (even my friends in Bubbles's case) disgust me.

GOS deserves a guy that really cares about her, not some creep looking for a brief change in partners to make out with. I really hate how some people rush things, just because they want a boyfriend/girlfriend. It's not a race or anything, people should date because they actually like the other person for who they are, not just for the thrill of having a boyfriend/girlfriend.

I won't pretend that I know everything there is to know about relationships, (quite the contrary, actually) so more than likely I'm just ranting about something that I don't know anything about. I know that they are extremely complicated, and I don't underestimate how complex relationships can get. I do believe that if the people are truly meant to be together, that it'll all work out somehow. Wow, that sounds incredibly cheesy.

Talking with GOS about her breakup all day got me thinking a lot about NHC. Can you blame me, though? Seeing the effects of GOS's breakup sent a shock of fear through me. Is that what it'll be like for me if/when NHC and I break up? I know that I'd be devastated, but NHC is ten times the guy that loser-boy is. If he ever did want to break up with me (which I REALLY hope won't happen, but today has made me a bit more pessimistic about relationships than usual) he'd probably do it honestly and try to spare my feelings as best as he could.

But maybe I'm worrying about nothing. NHC and I currently have a great relationship (at least I think so) and I shouldn't worry about if/when it'll end. I really hope it doesn't, but what do I know? I'm just another hopelessly infatuated teenager, right? *Sigh*

~Hopefully my next post will be more cheerful.

Inkheart, Bride Wars, and Taylor Swift

I feel slow. I just discovered yesterday that Inkheart has been made into a movie!! o_O Wow, I am seriously out of it. I blame exam week.

Inkheart, Inkspell, and now Inkdeath as well are a series written by Cornelia Funke, and they are quite an interesting series. I actually just got my hands on a copy of Inkdeath today (after a few months of being on the wait list at the library, I might add) and it's taking all of my will power not to start on it this very second! *Deep Breath* I'm determined to finish The Hobbit before I pick up anything else, so I'll just have to wait a little longer.

I won't bore you readers (haha, all four, maybe five or six of you) with the details of Inkheart. Basically, it's a wonderful fantasy book with many twists and turns, there was hardly a boring moment in this one. When Meggie, the main character, reads books aloud, she can magically read elements out of the story and into real life. Pretty cool, huh? Imagine if you could read, let's say, your favorite Twilight character out of the story and into your life. I know that I'd certainly enjoy that power!! : )

Not only is the Inkheart series (or trilogy? I'm not sure if there will be another book after Inkdeath) a great read, but the movie will have Brendan Fraser in it!! : D He'll be playing Mo, Meggie's father (who also has the magical ability to read things out of books) and I can't think of an actor that could be more perfect for the role. This upcoming movie (releases this month, as a matter of fact) is definitely a must-see for me, and for my friend Nikki as well.

Speaking of movies, one perk of exam week is that school gets out much earlier than usual, at 11:30 AM. This leaves plenty of extra time to study (haha, right) or goof off with your friends!! : ) GOS, Nikki, and I went and caught a 1:10 PM showing of Bride Wars. Lol, many adults asked us if we were skipping school, and there was hardly anyone else there! x D

If it were up to me, we would NOT have watched Bride Wars! Not usually the type of movie that I'm drawn to *Shrug* but I was impressed. It was funny, it held my interest (which is difficult to achieve), and I actually liked the ending! Overall, an awesome movie for a girls night out (or afternoon, in our case).


I am a fan of Taylor Swift, and I am proud of it. Don't think of me as an all out country girl, but I do enjoy certain coutry-ish music. I love Taylor Swift's songs, I think that they are amazing. They make me want to throw my head back and sing right on with her, which is fun for me, but painful for my family : P

I don't have many allies. All of my friends are pretty extreme about their opinion of Taylor Swift, they either love her or they hate her. GOS and Kelpo love her, Alanna and Synfan hate her. Lol, Nikki is fairly indifferent, and I'm pretty sure that Bubbles is indifferent too.

My favorite songs of hers are Picture to Burn, Should've Said No, The Way I Loved You, You Belong With Me, Love Story, and I'd Lie. I'm very addicted to her songs, I'll admit it : )

~That's all for now, wish me luck on the rest of my exams!

The Drama Continues. . . . . .

Sorry, this is another journal post. SO much has happened, it's crazy. Bear with me, I promise that I'll try to make things more interesting during my next post. . . . .

Well, first of all, I have to add to something that I discussed in a different post. GOS confronted her boyfriend about him sending those nude pictures to that slutty girl. Guess what? He didn't deny it. Anyone shocked? I sure am. I had a feeling that the rumor was true, but I sure didn't expect him to own up to it o_O

Of course, GOS didn't break up with him. *Rolls Eyes* He cried apparently, and told her that what he did was way out of line and that it wouldn't happen again. Right.

Unfortunately, GOS forgave him. I wonder what he has to do to make her realize that he's a bad person. *Sigh* Maybe nothing can convince her of that. . . . .

As if this weren't enough, there's more. Oh yes, my life has been full of drama lately, and it doesn't seem to want to stop anytime soon.

I'm friends with a girl who'll be known as Bubbles on this blog. I've known Bubbles since preschool, so we go WAY back. We're still good friends now, and I'll tell you that we're both in high school. Her boyfriend will be known as TQ on this blog, and I'm friends with him too. I'm not as close to him as I am with Bubbles, but we are friends. Ironically, TQ is about three years older than Bubbles. Sound familiar? If it doesn't, I'll remind you that GOS's boyfriend is three years older than her, too. But TQ is very different than GOS's boyfriend. He's funny, nice, and he has morals (unlike GOS's boyfriend).

Bubbles and TQ had been going out for a couple of months, and they really seemed to click. They appeared to be very right for each other, they made a great couple. Bubbles is fairly mature for her age, so the age difference didn't even get in the way. Now I'm not an idiot, I knew that their relationship wouldn't last forever. However, since I'm friends with both of them, I was hoping that they'd be together for a long-ish time (I know how difficult things can get when two of your friends are mad at each other). So, just to sum things up, here were my two wishes: That GOS would break up with her boyfriend, and that Bubbles and TQ would stay together for a long time.

Just my luck, neither of my wishes were fulfilled. Bubbles and TQ broke up, and GOS is still happily coupled with loser-boy : (

Why did Bubbles and TQ break up you might ask? Good question. TQ and I have both been dying to have that one answered for a while now. Bubbles randomly started giving TQ the cold shoulder last Tuesday. I figured that as her friend, she'd be willing to tell me why she did this (she refused to tell TQ why she did. In fact, she refused to say anything to TQ at all). Bubbles surprised me, though, and gave me three lame excuses instead of a real answer. I won't even bother repeating her three lame reasons, they were obviously lies and I can't even remember them.

My first instinct was that TQ might have done something to Bubbles that she didn't want to talk about. This made no sense, though, being that TQ is a really great guy. I haven't known him for very long, but my opinion of him is very high. I seriously doubted that he did anything bad to Bubbles.

Well, just my luck, both of my friends wanted to talk to me about the other person. TQ would vent to me his frustrations about Bubbles just randomly dumping him, and Bubbles would complain that TQ was overreacting and not just "letting some things go".

I've known Bubbles for a long time, and my loyalties lie with her. Being caught in the middle sucks, and like it or not, the one in the middle almost always has to pick a side. Does anyone reading this have a bad experience about being caught in the middle? Anyway, I'm determined to keep talking to TQ (he's such a cool guy, it would suck to not be able to talk to him anymore) but I'm talking to him a lot less and Bubbles a lot more. Even though I'm talking to Bubbles, I think that she's being incredibly cruel to TQ.

Most guys would just be like, "Whatever, I don't care" and not look back if their girlfriend dumped them for no reason and started giving them the cold shoulder. I think that's what Bubbles was secretly counting on, actually. But TQ really cares about Bubbles. He's devastated (though he doesn't show it to Bubbles, who won't even look at him anymore) and he blames himself as the reason that Bubbles broke up with him, which is understandable. I really hate to see the pain that Bubbles is causing him, 'cause like I said earlier, he's a great guy and he doesn't deserve to have his heart ripped out like this without so much as the reason why he's being torn apart.

I think TQ suspects that I know the real reason that Bubbles broke up with him, but he also knows that my loyalty lies with her. Bubbles did eventually tell me the real reason why she dumped TQ, but I had to promise not to tell him. That's another reason why I think that Bubbles is being cruel, the real reason why she broke up with him. It had absolutely nothing to do with TQ at all, and it definitely lowers my opinion of Bubbles that she broke up with him just because of something so. . . . . heartless. I honestly can't think of a better word for it. It's heartless.

I won't put the real reason on my blog, anyone could stumble across it. Those that I am willing to tell already have my e-mail, so e-mail me if you want to know and I'll tell the real reason why Bubbles broke up with TQ.

~SunnyD out

TV Shows and My Interesting Saturday

I'm just going to say this now: I love medical shows. House and Scrubs are my favorites, so I'm going to discuss my opinions about them, and I'll do a journal part about my Saturday. Excited? Great, let's begin! : P

I'll admit, I didn't start watching Scrubs because of it's medical aspect, I got addicted to it just because it was so incredibly funny. Almost no show could make me laugh as hard as Scrubs could. It's also impossible not to love the character of JD after you watch one episode. He's hilarious, quirky, and lovable! : D

The shows have great messages too, or at least the older ones did. I don't like the newer ones as much, they're more like a soap opera now than a medical show. The "new JD" as I call him, is very different than who he used to be in the older shows. He's not as lovable. It's as simple as that. So I don't watch the newer episodes, the older Scrubs shows are the only ones that I like.

House's medical mysteries are amazing, the answers will almost always blow your mind! Even without the medical aspect, the character of Dr. House alone is enough to leave you wanting more. Hugh Laurie has a lot to do with that, he's a fantastic actor. This show is particularly captivating, because there are just so many things to keep you hooked. The medical mysteries, House and Wilson's friendship, House's team, Dr. Cuddy and her desire for a child, the list goes on. Admittedly, the newer episodes (like Scrubs) are starting to become more about the drama than the medicine, but I still like to watch them anyway. I don't know if it's Hugh Laurie's acting or the medical aspect that keeps me watching them, but they're still pretty good as far as I'm concerned.

Now, about my Saturday. . . . . I had to wake up at 4:30 AM and wound up getting home at about 10:15 PM. It was a long day, and I won't go on about all of the details, that would take forever. But I will give a brief description of what went on.

NHC and his dad arrived at my house a little late, about 5:45 AM. We then zoomed through a completely traffic-less town to pick up some other members of his team, which was interesting. I wound up having to ride in a van with six guys (I was the only girl, lucky me), one of which being Mezzic. It was a little awkward with him at first, 'cause I was still pretty ticked about him listening in on NHC and I's phone conversation. *Sigh* I wound up having to choose either forgiving/ talking to Mezzic again, or continuing to ignore him (but ignoring him would be extremely difficult, since everyone else was talking to him). I didn't feel like spending my entire day sulking while everyone else laughed and had fun, so I chose to forgive him. He did say that he was sorry. . . . *Shrug*

The hour and a half long car trip there wasn't very eventful, we all talked and I got to know a few members of NHC's team a bit better. When we arrived, I'll admit, I was a bit confused for awhile. Can you really blame me, though? I was in a completely foreign place, and my only companions were rushing about because they had a tournament to do.

I didn't know that family members/ friends were allowed to go in to watch the interviews that the teams had, so I wound up missing the first two for absolutely no reason : ( NHC came up to me with an exasperated look on his face and asked me why I was staying behind in the pit area doing nothing. In my defense, though, one of his team members told me that they needed someone to stay behind to watch their supplies and stuff, and I seemed like the perfect candidate for that. She told me to stay behind, and nobody told me to follow them or anything, so that's what I did. Basically, things weren't very clear, and it didn't help that I had absolutely no idea where anything was or where to go. After NHC told me that I was allowed to go and watch, I just followed him places and tried not to fall behind.

The one interview that I did get to see was fascinating, the topic for this year was Climate Connections, so they discussed causes of global warming, ways to reduce pollution in the environment, why algae is a good alternative fuel source, ways to conserve water, and much more. They combined this with a game-show theme, which was very entertaining : ) They dressed up in costumes for it and everything, it was very well done!

Up next after that were the actual runs, which took place in a gym (I'm not even sure if we were in a school or not, that's how totally lost I was). The gym was packed. If I had to guess, I'd say that there were maybe two hundred people or more in that place. Insane.

Just our luck, too, it was a very muddy day. Before long, there was a thin coating of mud on the floor, which doesn't seem that bad. . . . if there had been places to sit. There weren't very many chairs, so most people had the option of sitting on the muddy floor or standing for 16 and a half hours. I probably spent about 85% of the time standing (and running around with NHC and his team) and I assure you that by the end of the day my feet felt like they were about to fall off.

Maybe I should give a little info about what the runs were like, even though I have no clue what I'm talking about. Well, here's what I gathered: Each team has their own robot, but each team has to compete on the same table (well not physically the exact same table, there were two tables, but my point is that they were identical) with the same setup. The object is for the robot to complete certain challenges or missions for certain amounts of points. Teams had four runs. . . . . I think, and they had about a 3 minute time limit for each run.

Now me, I had next to no idea as to what was going on. I'll admit, their project pertaining to environmental problems was more interesting for me, but I was curious about the robotics stuff as well. Luckily for me, NHC's team (and him!) are all very nice people, and they patiently explained things to me when I had questions. Mostly I asked NHC and Mezzic my questions, but I spent time with their team too. And there was extra time, which surprised me, because I thought that they'd all be very busy the whole time. For the most part I talked to NHC and Mezzic, but I got to know their team a little bit better.

After the runs and the award ceremony, NHC and his team did a presentation for ALL of us. I was very impressed, NHC seemed quite calm while he spoke to 200 people and the judges. I get nervous when speaking in front of large groups of people, but he was amazing. The rest of his team did well too, but NHC stood out the most to me. Or maybe that's just because I couldn't take my eyes off of him, I don't know : P

I'm very glad that NHC invited me to come with him, but I'm still wondering why he did. It was interesting for me, of course, but why would he want me there? Don't get me wrong, I was very willing to go, the whole thing was quite an interesting experience, but I'm not sure why he invited me. Wasn't I just another thing to keep track of? He was busy enough without me there, why would he want me in the way? I tried not to be a burden to him or his team, but part of me worries that I might have. Well whatever his reasons were, it seemed to make NHC happy that I was there, so I'm glad that I went : )

~Till next time

A Week of Guilt, Drama, and a Little Studying

Interesting title, huh? A ton of things happened to me during this school week (mostly bad things, actually), and I think that typing them all out may help me to calm down. Or it'll just make my hands cramp *shrug* who knows. Just as a head's up- this post is only going to be about my own personal problems. I won't be giving my opinions about any movies, books, music, actors, television shows, etc. I plan to do that kind of stuff in my next post, which I think I can get in at some point this weekend. But this one is just a journal post, so you can pass over it if you get bored with reading about my life : P

From the moment this week started (school week, I mean) it was full of stress. Final exams are coming up, so my teachers have all been going nuts with tests and quizzes. I haven't gotten the mountains of homework yet, but I'm sure that'll come too.

Then (first order of drama) I heard a rumor about the boy that good friend of mine (who will be refered to by her nickname of GOS which stands for Grip of Steel) is "going out" with. I put that in quotations, because they haven't actually gone anywhere. They just talk and do stuff in school, 'cause her parents would probably object to him. But more on that later, the rumor that I heard was that he sent pictures of himself nude to this slutty girl at my school. Normally, I would NEVER believe a rumor as ludicrous as this, but judging from some of the stuff that her boyfriend has done, I could believe it. I also heard it from a guy that sees him in classes and is kind of friends with the girl.

Obviously, I had to tell GOS. I wasn't sure what her reaction would be, 'cause she's okay with her boyfriend taking a different girl to the prom. She, of course, didn't believe the rumor. She deserves someone better than this kid, but I've told her that a thousand times. *Sigh* She's happy with him, though (which I don't understand) so it's a bit conflicting. I'm glad to see GOS so happy (she was really down awhile ago because of something else, but that's a whole other story) but I hate to see her happy with this particular guy. I keep trying to tell her that she deserves someone better than him, but I think she already knows that. I guess she honestly likes the guy, so maybe I should just butt out.

Let's get some background information on this guy, shall we? He is three years older than GOS (who's about half a year younger than me), he's emo (not just poser-emo, either. He really cuts himself, it's scary), and he's already been out with two of our other friends. He wound up telling those two that he loved them, and then he would dump them. Clearly, he's not a very faithful dude. Also, he's dumb. Intelluctually, I mean. Fails classes and stuff.

Well, that's enough about GOS and her boyfriend. Time to rant about me and my own boyfriend, NHC.

I'll skip some of the details on this (kind of personal, not the kind of stuff you put on the web) but the short story is that I got him sick. I feel really terrible about this, which is why one of the titles of this post is "Guilt". I let him know that I thought I might possibly be coming down with a cold, but it was hard to tell. I had almost no symptoms, just a runny nose. I chalked that up to allergies or something, 'cause I felt perfectly fine. You know how with colds, you feel all tired and junk? Well I didn't feel any of that. Not even a sore throat.

It turns out that I was sick. We had underestimated my runny nose, apparently. I wound up giving him my cold, and it hit him much harder than it hit me. When he called me, I could hear his scratchy voice, and he was coughing. He admitted, after I asked, that it was most likely that I was the one he caught it from. I apologized to him fervently, and luckily he's not mad or anything.

But I'M mad at me, I feel like a horrible person. He's coughing and his throat hurts, and it's all MY FAULT! I've made a promise to myself and NHC to never get him sick again, but that didn't ease my guilt at all.

My remorse from getting NHC sick didn't go away. It feels like a physical weight on my shoulders, and I have to really work to move under it. My every step feels weighted by my guilt. I know that sounds very dramatic, but I'm just writing what I feel. I don't think my guilt will really go away until he's better. I'll be very careful from now on, I will not get him sick again.

My last topic is that I am angry at another friend of mine. For the purposes of this blog, he'll be refered to as Mezzic. I was talking to him on the phone about some math we had to do, and I told him that I wanted to hang up and call NHC. Mezzic objected to this, and insisted that I should use three way calling so that we could both talk to NHC. This might seem strange, but it actually was logical. We both needed to ask him the same question about what time a tournament of theirs (robotics tournament) started. So, I called NHC and used three way calling so that Mezzic could talk to him too.

After NHC answered our question, Mezzic pretended to hang up. But he lied about hanging up, he actually stayed on the phone being quiet and listening to NHC and I talking until we hung up. Talk about invasion of privacy, right?? Well I am extremely ticked at Mezzic, and I'm currently giving him the silent treatment. I haven't told NHC yet, though. I hope he punches Mezzic in the face when he finds out (okay, not really, but my more evil side does sorta want revenge). I almost considered asking GOS to slap Mezzic for me (her slaps really hurt), but I reminded myself that violence wouldn't make things better, just worse.

So, that's what happened this week. The only thing keeping me going is NHC's robotics tournament tomorrow : ) I'll have to wake up really early (4:30 AM) and I'll get home really late (about 9:00 PM) but I can't wait to see NHC!! : D

So I'll probably have to post on Sunday, considering my busy Saturday coming up.

~Have a great weekend!

Grin and Bear It

Not much really happened to me today. *Shrug* It was pretty slow compared to my usual day, I just did homework (about time, right?) and hung out with my neighbors. Not too exciting, we played cards and jumped rope a bit (you are NEVER too old to jump rope, just saying).

Anyway, writing has always been fun for me. I think it goes along with reading, because my other friends that love to read also love to write, and my friends that don't read also don't write. Well, my friends Alanna, Nikki, and I are all writing a play together. I know that sounds a little odd, but it's a great way to connect with friends and pass time (not to mention that your writing improves with practice). It was started by my friend Alanna, and grew steadily over time. We're still working on it now, and it's been quite awhile since it was first started. . . . .

The play is centered around a girl named Amira, who lives in New York, and leads a fairly average life. Then, everything changes for her when she meets David. Their relationship starts out with David needing someone to be there for him, and slowly Amira realizes how much she needs him too. But there are many complications to their relationship, and we don't even know yet if they'll make it through.

Here's the link to read it if you're interested:

http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2562009/1/Grin_and_Bear_It

A Day of Shopping and Jacob Black

Wow. So, I went shopping today. I'm a strange girl in that I have mixed feelings about going shopping. Especially at certain stores for certain things.

For the holidays my Aunt and Uncle gave me a lot of clothes from Aeropostale, and I know they meant well, but it all had TONS of ruffles and glitter. I have a strict no pink, no ruffles, no glitter, and no sequins policy when it comes to clothes. I had to return all of the clothes that they got me, which gave me a fair bit of credit at that place. Well my friend Maddie got a giftcard to Aeropostale for the holidays, so we went shopping together. Whoo.

It was fun eating pretzels and drinking smoothies with Maddie in the mall, but I'm not so wild about the actual shopping involved. I tried to seem eager, though, 'cause I didn't want to ruin her fun.

Now, onto the topic of Jacob Black. I have very strong opinions about this particular Twilight character, and I'm about to type them all out for once. WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS, DO NOT CONTINUE READING IF YOU HAVEN'T READ THE ENTIRE TWILIGHT SERIES!!

In the book series, Jacob started out as a very minor character, but he grew to become much more than minor in Bella's life. A lot of people object to Jacob simply because "he's trying to steal her from Edward!" This is my question: Since when is it a crime for someone to fall in love?

Jacob did so much for Bella when she fell apart in New Moon, he was there for her when everyone else had given up on helping her. I personally love the character of Jacob Black far more than I like the character of Edward. Edward is Bella's true match, but Jacob seems to be more happy-go-lucky and far less bitter than Edward. I would even call Edward arrogant because he always seems to think that he knows what's best for Bella while Jacob was always more willing to let her make her own decisions.

I'm not saying that Jacob is better for Bella than Edward. He clearly could never have a chance with Bella. But he seems to be the better man to me than Edward. Renesmee is a lucky girl : )

As for Jacob going after Bella, that doesn't make him a bad person. In his mind, he was saving Bella from what he thought to be a horrible fate. Him loving her also doesn't make him a character to be hated, his soul mate just hadn't come along yet and he was confused. If readers really examine him carefully, you'll find that there's nothing to hate about Jacob Black. He adds so much to the story along with being a great kid.

In Twilight, Bella didn't have a clue about what she'd be giving up if she sacrificed her mortality to be with Edward. In Eclipse, she realizes and sees another option that is available to her. She could have life and love without having to give up all of the things she'd have to give up to be with Edward. By recognizing and dismissing her love for Jacob, she makes her love for Edward all that much stronger. She knows exactly what she's giving up for him, and she's still willing to do it to be with him forever.

I was beyond ecstatic to see Jacob get a happy ending in Breaking Dawn. If anyone deserves Renesmee Cullen, it's Jacob Black. I do not in any way think that his imprinting on her was creepy. He is Renesmee's true other half, and if he hadn't imprinted on her, he'd still be in pain from missing Bella. If I could ask Stephenie Meyer to continue one aspect of the Twilight series, I'd ask her to do a book centered around Renesmee and Jacob. Bella's story might be over, but Renesmee's is just beginning!

Leah Clearwater's story also didn't seem to be over to me. There were so many questions that her being a werewolf posed, and they never really got answered. Not to mention her love story, is she really a genetic dead-end? Was Sam the only man that she could truly ever love? Can Leah imprint? The questions are endless, and we'll never really know the answers to them (unless Stephenie Meyer chooses to answer them for us, of course).

Okay, that's enough about Twilight. Please don't get me wrong, I don't dislike Edward, I just like Jacob more.

~If you read this entire post, thank you! It was a long one. . . .

A New Year With Old Friends and An Interesting Book

Wow, it sure is late. . . . . I'm actually sitting on my friend Kelpo's bed as I type this one : )

Okay, my New Year was interesting this year. My parents dragged me last night to my neighbor's (who, incidentally, I haven't seen in FOREVER!!) New Year's Eve party, and that wasn't too fun. I like her, but her boyfriend stood next to me and lit random things (like potato chips, soda cans, napkins, etc) on fire. It was very freaky, so I left.

I thought it would be kind of rude to come to a party, eat their food, and then leave; so I tried to be sneaky and leave discreetly. I couldn't go back to my locked house (and it was below freezing outside) so I went to my other neighbor's house and that was more fun. We played cards and talked as we watched the people in Times Square freeze to death ^_^

So on January 1st, I went to my friend Kelpo's house for a New Year's Day party. This was fun, there was a long counter of good chocolate, cake, and chips. The adults talked, and the kids played poker and foosball. I got lucky at poker (we were playing Texas Hold 'Em) which was cool, 'cause I typically have bad luck, so maybe 2009 will be a good year after all.

But one dude who was there also freaked me out. What is it with strange guys at parties? *Note to self: Don't give any guys that I meet at parties my phone number, they all seem to have strange, hidden qualities* This guy didn't light things on fire, but he was on pot. Whoo, great example for the little kids there. He also offered us some stolen watches, which we didn't buy.

So then Kelpo's mom suggested that Plexy and I sleep over, and we both said yes! So I am currently sitting on Kelpo's bed typing this while Plexy and Kelpo meditate.

As for the interesting book, I recently finished reading Memoirs of a Geisha. I also rented the movie, and I was impressed. Admittedly, it got a little dull at times, but it really captured the meaning and essence of the book well. The acting might have left something to be desired, but all in all it was worth renting. But it couldn't hold a candle to the book.

The book Memoirs of a Geisha was interesting from start to finish. I think that has something more to do with Arthur Golden's writing style than the actual story itself. His book really sucks the reader in, which is good, because I know I would've dropped the book and labeled geisha as Japanese prostitutes if he hadn't captured my interest so early on. The story of Sayuri really is fascinating, and I'm glad that I read it all. Her choice at the end is controversial, though, and I probably wouldn't have done all of the things that she did for love. For us normal people, we probably wouldn't have gotten the happy fairy tale ending that Sayuri had if we took the risks that she took.

As for what I'm reading now, I've made a deal with my boyfriend. He'll read Twilight if I read The Hobbit. So, I'm stuck reading The Hobbit. It definitely would not be something that I'd be drawn to on my own, but I'm glad that he's making me read it. It actually is a good book, and I might just have to read the other books by J.R.R. Tolkien.

There's only so much of winter break left : ( I'll probably have to get some homework done tomorrow. Specifically, EOC review stuff. . . . .

NO MORE PROCRASTINATION FOR ME!! I'll make a promise to myself, the next time I log on to blog something, I'll have done at least ten problems of my geometry review!

~I love you readers!!