The Hobbit, Angry Chocoholism, and Strange Dreams

Hmm, it's hard to know where to start with this post. . . . it's been a strange week. I guess I'll start with my review of J.R.R. Tolkien's book, The Hobbit.

It took me a while to get through this one due to a combination of reasons that I won't bore you with. This book was tough for me to get into, and I'm not really sure why. I guess I'll just be vague and say that different books grab the attention of different readers for different reasons. The Hobbit never really captured my interest the way other books have, but that's perfectly okay. I'm very glad that I read it; I hate how some people never venture outside of their comfort zone, and I was long overdue for trying something new.

The story itself was actually interesting to me, but I didn't like the author's style of writing. Again, maybe it fascinates certain people, but it didn't do much for me. One of my biggest complaints about this story is the lack of female characters. To me, there wasn't much definition between characters either, but between the types of people. Like, "all Goblins are cruel" and general stuff like that. Maybe I'm just complaining about small details, but that's just my opinion. However, now that I've gotten into the story, I'll probably have to read The Lord of the Rings eventually. When that time comes, I'll compare my opinions of those books to The Hobbit, because I've heard several people argue that they liked the others better than The Hobbit and vice versa. *Shrug* I'll just have to see for myself I suppose.

Now, I'll explain my "angry chocoholism" topic. This goes back to the personal issues (and believe me, there are many) of my friend GOS. As I've discussed, my poor friend has been having some boy troubles. I must say, I've underestimated what a jerk loser-boy is. Days after he broke up with GOS, he called her (quite a few times as a matter of fact) and lied to her about going out with two other girls immediately after breaking up with her. He told her that he hadn't asked anyone else out since they broke up, but he'd already gone out with at least one, maybe two other girls!! Then, once she discovered the truth, he told her that breaking up with her was the "biggest mistake he's ever made in his life." Uh huh. Anyone else sensing a lie here?

When GOS told me of all this, I'll admit it, I exploded at her. I yelled for a good ten minutes about all of the reasons that she shouldn't care about loser-boy anymore, and she argued back that he needs her (apparently he's cutting himself again) so between the two of us, we didn't make much progress. I think I made my point, though, that she deserves far better than a lying, emo, and possibly cheating jerk (I can't prove that he ever cheated on her while they went out, but I have strong suspicions).

Now, what does all of this have to do with chocolate? Well, after my loud and angy discussion with GOS, I stamped downstairs and downed three mini reese's cups. I know that's not a lot, but that's not what scares me. I didn't even notice that I was eating something until I threw away the three wrappers. I was so caught up with my anger about GOS's lame ex boyfriend that I didn't even realize that I was eating chocolate. Is that weird or what? I've heard of girls eating and not noticing it when they're really sad, but when they're angry?? It's definitely new to me. I'm going to have to be more careful from now on about being around food when I'm ticked off. . . . . .

Okay, I'm down to my last topic! I've tried talking to Alanna, Nikki, and NHC about the strange dreams that I've been having lately, but so far I'm still coming up blank. Well, first of all, I should explain that strange dreams are normal for me. Ever since almost as long as I can remember, I've always been able to recall most of my dreams without any trouble. It's pretty rare that I wake up and can't remember what I'd been dreaming of. In fact, when I go downstairs to eat breakfast, my mom sometimes asks me what I dreamed of the night before because I've got a funny look on my face as I think of it. My dreams aren't scary for the most part, just weird. I'm also one of those people who can sometimes be aware that I'm dreaming during a dream, and on those rare occasions (this is a theory that Alanna and I read about, it's called lucid dreaming if you're interested) you're supposed to be able to alter your dream to your liking. It's incredibly hard, though, and I can only think of two possible instances when I might have had some influence on my dream during the dream.

Okay, I'll stop ranting about dreams (which have always intrigued me) and get on to my point. I've had a reoccuring element in my dreams lately, and it's really bugging me. Until I can figure out what this means, I'll probably keep having this dream night after night, which gets extremely boring. I'm literally desperate here, I've even resorted to looking it up in a dream dictionary (which was absolutely no help at all).

Here's my reoccuring dream: I'm facing a bridge, and I absolutely can't cross it. I want to, but my feet just won't move. The dream varies sometimes, but the bridge seems to be the key element. Sometimes there are people on the other side (my friends, actually) but the people never notice me. Sometimes the bridge is over water and other things like steep ledges, but mostly there's just a bridge, surrounded by nothing at all. In my dream I'm not afraid of crossing the bridge, but I still don't want to. I'm not sure why I don't want to, but it's not really fear. I get the sense that there's something that'll have to happen if I cross it that I'm not willing to do. I'm not really sure. . . . .

One thing that's always the same is that the bridge is old. If it's metal, it's rusted. If it's wooden, it's half rotted. Maybe that means something, I don't know. At this point, I'm open to any suggestions.

Alanna and Nikki both agree that the bridge must be a symbol for a decision that I'm subconsciously trying to make, which makes sense. The thing is, I can't think of any big decision that I'm avoiding, or any "big steps" that I'm afraid of taking. That's another reason that I'm so obsessed with these dreams. They don't make sense, and I really want to know why I'm having them. Maybe it's just random, but I don't really think so. *Shrug* Maybe I'll have better luck tonight. All I really know is that the dream probably won't end until I either A) Cross my dream bridge or B) Figure out what it symbolizes. I know that you readers can't help me cross the dream bridge (which I've tried to do, but it's almost like I physically can't make my dream feet move) but maybe you could give me some new ideas about what it's supposed to mean? I'd appreciate that. . . . .

~Thanks for reading, and please comment with ideas!