Evolution of Dance, An Answer, and Loneliness

I thought I'd start my incredibly long posts (or so Alanna tells me) with something funny for a change! My brother and I watch this video together sometimes for a good laugh, but maybe we're both just crazy : ) If you watch the video, please comment and tell me if you find it hilarious or stupid. It's just an entertaining video of how popular dances have changed over time, and the dude who does it is hysterical (or so my brother and I think). Also, I believe (correct me if I'm wrong) that this is the most popular video on youtube. Isn't that weird? It's gotten 112,438,476 views at the moment. Crazy, huh? Anyways, watch this is you're bored!



My answer that I mentioned at the top is about the dreams that I was having. I haven't had the dream about the bridge for several nights now, and only one thing changed in them that seemed significant before they stopped. I saw my friend Maddie on the other side of the bridge. She didn't walk by it like all of the other people in my bridge dreams did, she stopped and looked at me from the other side.

When this happened, I was confused. I still couldn't move at all, and Maddie didn't come to the other side to me, she just looked at me from across the bridge. My dream continued like that until I woke up, and I wondered if the same thing would happen the next night. Oddly it didn't, I couldn't recall my dream at all the next night. Since then I've had my usual strange dreams, but no more bridge dreams. Apparently Maddie was the key element, and I think I might finally know the reason behind my bridge dream.

Maddie has lived next to me for as long as I can remember. We've been friends since the age of three, according to our moms. You'd think that because I've known her for so long that we'd be inseperable friends. We're not. We were closer when we were younger, but as we grew older we fought more. There were often periods of time that we wouldn't speak to each other at all. I'd see her often, but I didn't miss her when I didn't see her for a long time.

I guess you could say that our personalities were never very compatible. You could also say that we just never clicked. I know this sounds very harsh, but I'd always wondered whether I would like Maddie or not if I hadn't grown up next door to her. A small part of me wonders if she would be the kind of girl that I'd dislike if I hadn't grown up next door to her.

Maddie's family is moving at the end of February. It's official, they've sold their house and have found a new place to live. They recently had a garage sale to sell some things that they won't be taking with them. They're not moving out of the town, but they won't be within easy walking distance anymore. I think that my subconscious mind was bringing up a hard question that I'd rather not ask myself through my dreams.

Will I try to make the effort to remain friends with Maddie? I think deep down I know the answer, even if I don't want to admit it. If I barely make an effort to see her now, when it's so convient, will I even bother when it's not convient? However, maybe her moving away will make our friendship stronger, because who knows? Perhaps we will try to see each other. I doubt it, though, and I feel heartless for having so few feelings for someone that I've known for such a long time. Does that make me a horrible person? In a way, I think it does. I really wish that they wouldn't move, but that's life. Things change.

My topic of loneliness is very pathetic, and I probably shouldn't bore you readers with it, but this is my blog so I'll just write how I feel regardless.

Alanna and Nikki both go to a different high school than me, and I knew that would be hard. It used to be easier when Synfan went to my school, but she switched schools halfway through the year. At least back then Alanna and Nikki had each other, and Synfan and I had each other. It was an even split. Without Synfan, I miss Alanna and Nikki more than ever. Even though I've made new friends, I feel lonely. I feel pathetic for admitting it, but without those three I feel almost like part of me is missing. Does that sound sad or what?

I hate feeling lonely, I really do. I can feel it changing me slowly, and I don't like it. I've been more prone to stupid insecurities lately, which sucks. I've also had more bad moods than I care to mention, and I wish that I could just suck it up. It's hard, though, and I think the only way that it could get easier is if I distance myself from Alanna, Nikki, and Synfan. There is no way that I'm willing to do that, though, so I'll just have to continue to feel lonely. I don't know what I'd do if GOS or Bubbles left my school, they're the closest friends there that I have left. My new friends are great too, but no one can ever replace Alanna, Nikki, or Synfan.

There's also this thing with NHC, but it's only temporary (I think). I saw him last weekend, which was kind of bittersweet, 'cause I won't get to see him at all until the middle of February. It'll be a lonely Valentine's Day : (

He's been ultra busy for FRC (another robotics thing) and his only free days are Mondays and Thursdays. Obviously I can't see him on school nights, so I'll just have to be patient. *Sigh* I don't think I should go on about how badly I wish that I could see him, 'cause that might get mushy. . . at least he calls me, so I'm not deprived of certain things like the sound of his laugh. . . but that still doesn't compare to actually being with him in person.

I guess I'll just have to suck it up and try to be less pathetic.

~Comment on video opinions!